As of today Moose is officially 80% cooked. So, like, al dente, maybe? Sure.
Anyway, he’s large, and so am I. Everyday tasks are becoming more of a challenge. Because when you have a live, squirming, possibly-octopus the size of a jimaca residing atop your bladder (aside: what the hell is a jimaca?), nothing doesn’t feel awkward. Except maybe lying naked in bed with eighty pillows around you and a fan blowing full blast. That feels totally natural.
Lugging this cumbersome carcass around has lead to some pretty sad/entertaining moments for any flies watching from my wall. For example, you should see me attempting to clean up Chip’s half-eaten chicken Dino Buddies from the floor. It’s akin to watching a cross-eyed polar bear ice fishing, only WAY less graceful. The amount of growling is probably the same, though. Oh, stuff on the floor. We hates it, precious.
You should probably not ask me when the last time I shaved my legs was, either.
All things considered I’m feeling pretty great. Shhh, don’t tell the folks at the clinic, but I may have tapped into the cache of Xyrem I had squirreled away from when Chip was a newborn and sleep was a long-forgotten dream. (My OB/GYN is fine with it.) I feel like a new woman. Also my hair is fabulous and my skin is looking less like pizza and more like skin.
This past Sunday was nice. Mother’s Day is an uncomfortable time for me for reasons too gloomy to get into, but darned if CK and the ward didn’t do their best to make it a lovely day. I slept in, ate lots of sweet things, and watched Doctor Who with my dearly beloveds. What did you do?
A major highlight of my life is that bff Pixie is coming up tomorrow and we’re spending all weekend together! YES!! It appears that my plea for visitors is finally being heard. Not that this means the rest of you are off the hook (ahem, Fraulein.) Anyway, we’re gonna party it UP (fifteen-year-old-hyping-on-his-Twitter-style) and do us some serious pampering. With treatments! At a real spa and everything! Which will probably be weird because the fanciest I ever go is a yearly haircut and having Roxy shellac my erstwhile visible toenails. Gah. I am so excited.
And now for my favorite picture of the moment. Can you believe how grown up this little poser is looking? Neither can I.
You know I can’t resist saying it – have a happy hump day! Go get yourself some Ben & Jerry’s or something. Moose recommends Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough. It’s his favorite.
Currently listening to: Cruise (Remix) by Florida Georgia Line feat. Nelly