Category Archives: culture

I Don’t Know About You, But I’m Feeling 32

As of today Moose is officially 80% cooked. So, like, al dente, maybe? Sure.

Anyway, he’s large, and so am I. Everyday tasks are becoming more of a challenge. Because when you have a live, squirming, possibly-octopus the size of a jimaca residing atop your bladder (aside: what the hell is a jimaca?), nothing doesn’t feel awkward. Except maybe lying naked in bed with eighty pillows around you and a fan blowing full blast. That feels totally natural.

Lugging this cumbersome carcass around has lead to some pretty sad/entertaining moments for any flies watching from my wall. For example, you should see me attempting to clean up Chip’s half-eaten chicken Dino Buddies from the floor. It’s akin to watching a cross-eyed polar bear ice fishing, only WAY less graceful. The amount of growling is probably the same, though. Oh, stuff on the floor. We hates it, precious.

You should probably not ask me when the last time I shaved my legs was, either.

All things considered I’m feeling pretty great. Shhh, don’t tell the folks at the clinic, but I may have tapped into the cache of Xyrem I had squirreled away from when Chip was a newborn and sleep was a long-forgotten dream. (My OB/GYN is fine with it.) I feel like a new woman. Also my hair is fabulous and my skin is looking less like pizza and more like skin.

This past Sunday was nice. Mother’s Day is an uncomfortable time for me for reasons too gloomy to get into, but darned if CK and the ward didn’t do their best to make it a lovely day. I slept in, ate lots of sweet things, and watched Doctor Who with my dearly beloveds. What did you do?

A major highlight of my life is that bff Pixie is coming up tomorrow and we’re spending all weekend together! YES!! It appears that my plea for visitors is finally being heard. Not that this means the rest of you are off the hook (ahem, Fraulein.) Anyway, we’re gonna party it UP (fifteen-year-old-hyping-on-his-Twitter-style) and do us some serious pampering. With treatments! At a real spa and everything! Which will probably be weird because the fanciest I ever go is a yearly haircut and having Roxy shellac my erstwhile visible toenails. Gah. I am so excited.

And now for my favorite picture of the moment. Can you believe how grown up this little poser is looking? Neither can I.

You know I can’t resist saying it – have a happy hump day! Go get yourself some Ben & Jerry’s or something. Moose recommends Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough. It’s his favorite.

Currently listening to: Cruise (Remix) by Florida Georgia Line feat. Nelly

Third Trimester, Purple Potatoes, and the Flower I Didn’t Kill

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29 weeks and counting, mates. That’s like, almost 30. Yeesh. Where has the time gone?! Good news is, this ol’ bod clearly remembers what it’s doing so I haven’t been nearly as uncomfortable and symptomatic as last time. I’ll take it!

Forgot to mention the perplexing and slightly frustrating results from my latest sleep study. That was a weird day. After greeting me warmly and inviting me to sit, my doctor took a deep breath and jumped right in with, “Well, you’re a horse of a different color.” Turns out that – yet again – I did not definitively meet the full criteria for narcolepsy; however, my cluster of test results were unlike any she had heard of in over a decade of practice. Certain symptoms were there, others usually found in tandem were impossibly absent. For example, my sleep onset times were normal, but my MSLT REM cycles were completely wonky. The sleep quality I got during the unmedicated overnight studies were considered acceptable, even with PMLD, yet I remained exhausted during the day. In sum, I slept “great” under nighttime laboratory circumstances, but my brain activity was inexplicable during the daytime naps. “Your case would be interesting to take on grand rounds,” my doctor said. Awesome.

Best of all, the meds she would usually prescribe for daytime sleepiness are considered unsafe for pregnancy, so the best she could do was suggest iron supplements to get my serum ferritin levels up and hopefully combat the PMLD. Which … yeah right. Like any pregnant lady wants more digestion issues. I can’t afford to take naps because I always oversleep and they leave me feeling worse than before. So instead I made an appointment for several weeks postpartum to discuss my options.

Basically I’m off Xyrem, still using the CPAP, and getting through the day on ~~lots of~~ caffeine. It’s certainly not ideal, but life has led me to subscribe to a survivalist’s brand of optimism: it could always be worse, and if it gets worse, we’ll stop and reassess.

Anyway, enough boring talk! Milly, Pal, Roxy, and Rocket came to town and we had some adventures, including but not limited to Settler’s Park, shopping (obviously), the Idaho Botanical Gardens, and Boise Fry Company (the burgers are the sides). Lo:

Transfixed by Curious George

We sit on front porches and swing life away…

The Classic is heaven in a hot lil' bun.

The Original w/cheese is heaven in a hot lil’ bun.

Just slidin’

“Mmmm, treat!! COLD!”

Three cheers for Philadelphus lewisii

Also, I purchased a daisy seed kit from Deseret Book for like, a dollar, to see if I could manage keeping it alive. So far it seems to have survived several traumas, including transplantation to a bigger container and one frosty night when I forgot to bring it back inside. This gives you so much confidence in my parenting abilities, no?

And speaking of gardening, check out the world’s cutest yard maintenance crew:

What are your plans for the weekend? (Yes, I’m already counting down the days.) I plan on finishing up some projects for Moose’s nursery and maybe hitting up the Farmer’s Market for fresh berries. My nesting reflex is kicking in hard core, people, and I like it! Ah, would that these lovely days would last all year.

Currently listening to: Boozophilia by Low Cut Connie

Spring Has Sprung (Pictures Galore)

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Hello, beautiful people. How art thou?

Have you been enjoying spring? Has it even arrived for you yet? West Idaho April stomps Utah April (aka Winter Lite); it’s been gorgeous here. Our trees are blossoming, the sky is bright blue, and by mid-afternoon I usually need the A/C on in my car. What’s that you say? You want to come pay me a visit? OKAY!

Here’s a taste of what the Jay Clan’s been up to lately.

1. Milly’s 50th birthday. The grandboys obviously had no patience for photos, but Cleo was an angel.

2. We went to a Steelheads game with friends. Moose kicked along in time to the loud music. I have no idea who won – we left after the first period. Ah, life with kids.

3. We had little Easter celebrations both at home and in Pocatello. Chip had a high fever on the actual weekend and was pretty miserable, but we made do the best we could.

I dress my son in anthropomorphic attire sometimes. It’s a thing.

4. We went swinging, strolling, swimming, shopping, and snuggling.

5. Finally, here’s a picture of Chip’s latest fashion accessory, just in case you were feeling badly about yourself. I all but dumped him out of his umbrella stroller while finagling around a tricky curb, pitching him face first onto the concrete. Worst. Mom. Ever.

Tonight my brother Jargo is coming into town, and we plan on hitting up taco night at Cafe Rio. Because that’s what any responsible person one week from her third trimester would do on a Tuesday.

What’s new in your ‘hood?

Currently listening to: Stay by Rihanna feat. Mikky Ekko

December and January: Celebrate ALL the Things!

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By the numbers, now.

15 — Number of times per day I kissed sweet Chloe on the forehead (before the sniffles set in, that is)

1 — Year of remembering T-Bo

80 — Mega Blocks opened at our early pre-Poky Christmas

4 — Seconds it took Rocket to smear birthday cake all over his cute face

97 — Attempts to get a decent Christmas jammies picture

5 — Baths in Grandma’s tub

6 — Tissues I went through watching Les Misérables in the theater with Milly and Pal. (Because the faucets come on EVERY TIME, no matter the version. Always has, always will, because I was a hardcore Hugo/Schönberg fan long before it was cool. And yes, I’m quite smug about the fact that I was raised on Colm Wilkinson’s voice, thanks. Hipster Sav OUT)

23 — How many times I’ve since listened to every Les Mis soundtrack I own

Screen shot 2013-01-03 at 9.04.55 PM

500 — Number of times Chip went tearing around the church foyer on Sunday

5 — New Year’s resolutions set

3 — Years of wacky, wonderful marriage to my Chocolate King

168 — Baby’s heartbeats per minute today! Yay.

I’m almost out of the first trimester, which *hopefully* means I’ll be returning to blogging semi-normalcy soon. ‘Course, bigger fetus means fewer brain cells for mama, so don’t hold your breath.

Currently listening to: Some Nights by fun.

Stuck in the Middle With You

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If you’re anything like me, you’re sick to the bone of all this pre- and post-election nastiness. People certainly reveal a lot about themselves when they feel threatened, don’t they? Yikes. I know emotions have been extra high this time, and that emotions make everyone stupid, but far too many are forgetting that basic, fundamental rule: KICPWWIMNNABWIWTWRA. (Keep it civil, person with whom I may not necessarily agree, but whom I will treat with respect anyway.)

Maybe that’s just easy for me to say. I’ve never aligned with one party or another. Life’s good in the purple, people.

On a similar and possibly contradictory note: look who’s BAAAAACK!

I laughed right out loud when I saw this on my ballot. Oh, P-Dawg. (Can I call you P-Dawg?) I missed you, mate.

Also, last week I almost ran over a turkey with my car. I. Love. Idaho.

Now for a bit of catch-up: Would you believe that only TWO measly Trick-or-Treaters came to our door? They left before I could finish changing into my costume and see them, too. I was super disappointed. Only for a minute, though, until I remembered that I dropped coin on the good candy (none of this Dum Dums and Bottlecaps nonsense), and I subsequently won’t have to buy chocolate until Easter 2014.

Chip had his 15 month appointment and is still measuring very tall. I have this little daydream that he’ll tower over me when he’s grown, just like all my baby brothers do. He’s walking about 65% of the time, which is fun and a bit nerve wracking. He achieved minor internet fame when I linked to my last post on Pinterest, much to my amusement and CK’s chagrin. Newly-acquired skills include pointing at everything and asking, “What’s this?” (“Us iss?”), building his block train instead of just pulling it apart, *kind of* eating with a spoon, and identifying his cars, drink-of-water, and Daddy’s nose.

My corner of the world is beautiful right now. If this were Utah, we’d have gotten snow weeks ago. Instead, we’re enjoying crisp but pleasant temperatures and a sky blissfully free of perpetual Great Basin smog. I tell ya — I do miss those big rugged mountains, though! I wish you all were here to enjoy a pumpkin spice cider and take a stroll down the Greenbelt with me. A little comfortable nostalgia sounds nice, doncha think?

Currently listening to: Gravity by Cindy Morgan

H A double-L O W double-E N

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(^ That was the first line of a song I sang in elementary school. Not sure what it was about)

Happy Halloween, everybody!!! It’s one of the best days of the whole year! Are you excited?! I hope so. Or, I hope you’re at least artificially excited due to massive amounts of sugar coursing through your system. If not, come visit me. I’ll take care of you with the special hoard I’m keeping safe from Trick-or-Treaters.

We love Halloweeeeeeeeen

We’re back safe and sound from hunting. I had regular estrogen-fueled riot with Milly and Roxy. Shopping, Zumba, chick flicks, and fro-yo galore! No luck on the front, I’m afraid; the guys didn’t even *see* an elk, despite being out for nearly 4 days. Drat. Quoth my father-in-law, “I think next year, instead of all this hassle, we’ll all just go in on a whole beef together, stay home nice and dry, and then go to Costco.” Ha. I love him.

Anyway, Halloween’s not complete without a lil’ dressing up. For our costumes this year, we went … *drum roll* … Whovian. Could it have been anything else?? Seriously. I now humbly present las fotos.

First, it’s me as Amy Pond.

I really hate this picture. You’re welcome, bloggosphere.

What I’m wearing kinda combines several of Amy’s looks, but it most closely resembles her outfit in Victory of the Daleks. Here’s the inspiration:

(Except, you know, she’s got those gorgeous mile-long legs)

Okay, now you should probably take a second to compose yourself and maybe write your last will and testament, because when you see these next pictures, you are literally going to die.

Look! It’s the Eleventh Doctor!

… I just can’t. It’s just … GAH. It’s possibly too perfect for this life. That much cuteness should not be allowed to exist in so small a space. And I say that completely without bias.

Yes, I know that is technically the Tenth Doctor’s sonic screwdriver, but it’s what I had. Live with it. ;)

The Doctor and his Companion together:

Here’s the inspiration for Chip’s costume:

As for CK, he conceded to let me make him into Nurse Rory at the last minute, but I couldn’t find any scrubs I liked. Scarcer still was the money I would’ve used to purchase a Centurion costume. Just use your imagination. (If none of that made any sense, don’t worry your little head.)

I fully anticipate spending the rest of the evening distributing candy (to myself … okay and others), watching Hocus Pocus and It’s the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown (or maybe something scarier when Chip’s whisked away to Dreamland in his TARDIS), and generally reveling in the Christo-paganism of it all.

Come to our house! We’ll give you cavities!

Here’s wishing you a fun and safe holiday.

Currently listening to: Thriller by Michael Jackson

Reporting Live From the Wasteland of Central Idaho

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We, the Clan of Jay, are currently trekking our way toward Pocatello, where awaits the promise of that time-honored Idaho tradition — shooting animals and eating pumpkin desserts. In other words, it’s huntin’ season, y’all!

CK has not shaved for a week and is under strict instruction to kill the largest elk he sees. Of course, I’m sure he’ll be more concerned with breaking in his newly tricked-out .22 than stocking my freezer with meat, but a girl can dream.

Chip’s excited, too.

I’m also blogging to remind you that Disney is *still* capable of giving me the wrong idea about healthy romantic relationships. I cite ABC’s Once Upon A Time. It’s bad enough that they tried to feed Toddler Me the line that your dreams will magically come true if you do nothing but sit around and whine about your lot in life (incidentally, I hate Cinderella in this new adaptation, too), but now they’ve tricked me into becoming captain of the Good Ship Rumbelle (Belle from Beauty and the Beast + Rumpelstiltskin). It sounds weird because it is. But trust me — Robert Carlyle is so freaky talented, he makes the hygienically challenged baddie seem oddly sexy. Maybe it’s just me. Anyways, it’s a fun show. We like it. You might, too.

Enjoy yourself, Cap Family! For what it’s worth, I’ll try to be back soon.

Currently listening to: Little Star by Jim Brickman

BRB

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This post is not so much a stream of consciousness as it is a drainage ditch. It’s a thing. Respect the thing.

Is anyone else currently experiencing inappropriately strong emotional reactions to their Netflix foster child TV show of choice? Our latest is Grey’s Anatomy. We’re seven seasons in. I’ve never cried so much in my damn life. Could be the fact that every other episode reminds me of how my dead brother’s organs were parceled out to people I will never meet, or how I had a miscarriage before I ever knew I could love a child more than oxygen, or how my hair will never be as awesome as Cristina Yang’s. I gave that show so much crap over the years, and now I literally have anxiety over the characters’ life choices. I love some of them so much it hurts. Anyway, I’m a mess. Anyone else? Just me?

I’m pretty sure the neighbor’s cat has a crush on Chip. He keeps leaving dead mice where Chip will find them on the patio.

Today’s moment of serenity was brought to me by the bulk food section of Winco. You may not know this, but the bulk food section of Winco is one of the happiest places on earth. Especially for a cheap and excitement-starved domestic demigoddess. Exempli gratia: My husband is the weirdo who drinks hot cocoa and tea when it’s 100 degrees outside. ‘Guzzles’ is a more appropriate word. (He’s just bitter that everyone at his company gets free coffee except him.) Suffice it to say he goes through cocoa quickly. Well, short story long, today I ended up restocking our shelves and saving a zillion dollars with dignity intact. It put a smile on my face, just like it does every few weeks when I escape ~~Tartarus~~ Walmart and find Grocery Disneyland. Let’s not even talk about the forty-three kinds of rice they sell. Ah, Winco. If they ever start taking credit I will probably live there.

I’m jealous of all you northern Utahns who are already seeing autumn! All those pretty leaves and cooler temps – gah. I ache for them. The only weather change our meteorologists can speak of is the air quality level drop from “Moderate” to “Dangerous for Some”. Ew. Fires are miserable. I saw on the news today that a teenaged volunteer firefighter was charged with arson –> destroying a house and 250+ acres. Me and my morals and sinuses think he’s a douche. Bring on the wind and rain, says I! Everything needs cleansing.

I’ve been trying to slim down and eat healthier, so naturally I used the zucchini Milly gave me to make a chocolate cake so sinful even CK loved it. No one does self-sabotage as well as I do, friends.

Here is a picture of Chip’s cheeks in case you skipped over all that block text out of boredom (not blaming you). As you can see, they are reaching critical mass:

Currently listening to: Just a Dream by Nelly

In Which I Show You Balloons and Stuff

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1. Look! And see a perfect morning:

What you don’t see is the caffeine and sugar CK required to get up that early, but they were there, too.

So fun! If you’re in my area this time next year, call me and we’ll go.

2. Wanted to brag about the awesome Goodwill deals I’ve snagged lately. 3-for-a-dollar board books, glassware, and toys that retail at $25 for $6? I’ll take it. I’d also like to thank my very special helpers, Clorox and Magic Eraser, without whom this arrangement would be impossible.

Just one of many fortunate finds.

3. This week Chip developed a pretty gnarly cold, and I suspect his first ear infection. He’s been crying and tugging his ear and fighting nap time all pitiful-like. It’s especially heartbreaking because he sits there and whimpers Mama over and over in the saddest voice while snot runs down his chin. Bah. I hate it when my boy isn’t feeling well. I may take him to the doc later if I can get an appointment.

4. I’m avoiding Facebook for a few days until this whole Gerber Generation photo competition thing blows over. I literally have 23 friends or family members participating, and my news feed has become one big solicitation for votes. As if election year wasn’t bad enough! Your kids are each adorable, y’all. Just make peace with the fact that you probably won’t win – not because Junior isn’t the cutest baby in America, but because you’re definitely not the most Annoying and Child-Whoring Mother on the Internet. I wouldn’t be friends with you if you were. :) Looooove you!

5. Nerd moment. You knew this was coming. Guys, Doctor Who was très magnifique! The only part that bothered me was this (heads up for spoilerish things, if you care about that):

Right?!

Well, it sounds like Chip has finally fallen asleep, which means that I need to go do responsible things like watching Ellen and unloading my dishwasher. Laters!

Currently listening to: Some Nights by fun.

Pictures … and a Confession.

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We took some updated family pictures. Thought you might enjoy looking at some of my favorites. Ms Thomson, you’ve done it again.

What d’ya think? I’m dying over how big Rocket has gotten. Ooh! And. If you pay close attention to Zoie’s midsection there in that last picture, you might spy the evidence of my first ever NEICE! Soooo excited.

So today Chip jabbed his finger so hard and so far up my nose that it started gushing blood. Don’t ask me why he felt the sudden urge to go spelunking in my nasal cavities; just feel bad for me because it hurt like a mother. But that’s not the confession.

Nope. This is:

Having only one small child for company is challenging for me. Not because of the teething or poopy diapers or yanked earrings; I’m used to all that. No – it’s that it gets pretty dang lonely sometimes. Lonely and weirdly boring. Don’t get me wrong, Chip is adorable and wonderful and fun and entertaining, but he can’t be everything I need, socially speaking. Long days home alone with a baby can be taxing. I don’t know how to fix this.

Maybe it’s because I’m a major INTJ/introvert and thus uninterested in going up to random people and saying “Hey, I’m not ~~usually~~ creepy. Wanna be friends?” Maybe it’s because CK is at work all day long and so (see first point) the only adult conversation I have is with the checkout gal at Fast Eddy’s. But I think the main reason I’m struggling is that I feel kind of pathetic when I try to take Chip to do “fun” things by myself and they fall flat.

Now, I could take Chip to parks and museums and swimming pools and libraries, and I have. I honestly try. But (again with the reiteration of the first point!) I don’t have anyone to talk to but Chip when I’m there, and he obviously won’t reply or even remember the trip anyway, so really, what’s the good in spending the money? Sometimes when we venture out alone, it feels like I’m trying too hard and I end up feeling more depressed than entertained. Aaaaand it’s a bummer to spend money to feel depressed, especially when that depression comes without the additional dose of perspective one gets from seeing something intentionally depressing – a Holocaust museum or hunger banquet, for example. So I usually just come up with free activities to do around the house. Does that make me a lame person? To throw up my hands and say, “We’ll try again when Chip gains the powers of speech and long-term memory”? Give it to me straight, people.

Most of the time things are good. I do want to emphasize that. And I know the hard times will pass. If there’s anything I’ve learned in my life, it’s that the hard times pass and better times eventually take their place.

Anyway, I hope to combat the monotony this weekend by dragging my boys to the local hot air balloon festival. CK should be flattered; I’m publicly admitting that he makes fun things fun, even when I have to beg, bribe, and coerce him into participating. Which, you may wonder, what sane person needs all that persuasion to go see 40+ balloons launch in a spectacular fashion? One who has to wake up at the butt crack of dawn to see it, that’s who (his words, not mine). That man loves me.

One last thing: Doctor Who returns on Saturday. Yessssssssss. You guys probably have an incomplete picture of my love for said show, as I rarely blog about it. The truth is I’m a serious junkie who is trying to keep her addiction under wraps. You know, be all nonchalant (“Matt Smith? Yeah, I’ve heard of him. He’s that angular British guy, right?”). It’s bad.

My ~~obsession~~ interest was leaking into my other online presences so much that I went and created a Tumblr blog this week. An honest-to-gosh geeky monster of a blog, wherewith to channel all my silliness and leave this blog and my Facebook profile relatively clear. Groan inwardly with me. I guess at heart I am nothing more than a fangirly, OTP shipping, antisocial, possibly bisexual, angst-ridden 17-year-old with trust issues and neon colored hair. GAH.

(At least I’m not type-screaming about how Mitt Romney wants to dominate my uterus…?)

The saddest part is, there’s not just Who stuff on there. Heck no, there’s all sorts of crap, including way too many Sherlock .gifs. No, I am never linking to it because I’m embarrassed for myself. Should you chance upon it in your internet travels, though, say hi or something.

*Head shake* And I wonder why I’m such a lonely loser…

I guess that was two confessions. I should probably go to bed before I start telling you all about my irrational fear of moths.

Gooooodnight.

Currently listening to: Too Close by Alex Clare

The Capital L

Left pinky. Right ring. All together now.