Hallo hallo! Remember how I had these grand weekend plans last time we cyber-stalked each other? No? That’s okay. I didn’t get to do any of them because I got slammed with the Mother of all Rhinoviruses and am just now recovering. Much time was spent lying on the couch hacking up rubber cement and bemoaning the forbiddenness of ibuprofen. Thank heaven Chip was his usual sweet, mellow self – even if he did laugh and call me an elephant every time I blew my nose. He also started referring to my 44 oz vanilla Diet Dr. Peppers as “mama’s juice”. Correct, little man. Correct.
Despite the snot circus, we’ve had some exciting pre-baby developments around here. Well, they are exciting for me because I don’t really have a life, but what can you do?
- CK and I finally decided on a *real* name for Moose – thus avoiding repeating the Baby Naming Crisis of 2011. If by “decided” I mean “Sav made an executive decision because CK was noncommittal”.
- Prenatal appointments are down to twice a month.
- Strangers have apparently stopped speculating whether I am knocked up or just really tubby because all of sudden they are up in my face with congratulations and the standard round of questions. It’s cute; I don’t mind. CK thinks it’s hilarious that it’s taken this long because according to him, it’s been super obvious since like, two seconds after I conceived. Not sure how I feel about that, exactly.
- Preregistered for the hospital.
- Made some leeway clearing out my freezer and pantry in anticipation of casserole-bearing Relief Society Sisters. In case you were wondering, free dinners are a major perk of being a Mormon.
- Finished a few more nursery decor projects, because apparently I decorate things now. I’m most excited/bewildered by the success of Moose’s baby quilt. I share this picture not to humblebrag, but to assure you that with enough bullheaded obstinance and sugar, ANYTHING IS POSSIBLE. (Seriously, kids. Remember how badly I struggled last time? Follow your dreams.) I owe a tremendous debt of gratitude to About.com and Ashley at Make It and Love It.
Most of my domestic pursuits are far more boring than this – like a closet full of clean laundry or a scrubbed shower. I still appreciate the surge of energy. As I’ve said before, this whole ‘nesting’ impulse is pretty handy. But I mean it’s only fair that a pregnant woman be granted a measure of hyper-productivity while her offspring crams its way more tightly between her organs, ya naw?
Hartley came to visit me for an entire afternoon, and it was amazing. GAH. I love her. Last time CK and I saw her, she was a supah-fresh RM and we were literally packing the moving van for Idaho, so we only got to chat for like five seconds. She’s as gorgeous and tall and Hartley-y as ever. Pretty sure she has some pictures of our time together, so if you’re reading this, H, send ‘em my way, por favor!
I have some issues with the Your Pregnancy Today iPhone apps I use. First and foremost is the fact that the “experts” writing the “advice” for them keep recommending asinine ways of “exploring my options”, like thinking a water birth is a good idea. Public Service Announcement: Under no circumstances is it A) natural or B) smart to have your baby’s first exposure to a non-womb environment be nasty bloody poop water. I mean, eww. Also, no. You do not need to buy the entire list of recommended baby items from Amazon.com or read BabyWise. BabyWise is the worst.
Ooh, in fact, here instead is some better advice for you upcoming mommies, courtesy of Yours Truly, free of charge and you are welcome. What I would give to go back in time and give these tips to myself – because I was truly a hawt. freaking. mess. Ready go!
- Your baby will not die if he/she has to cry for 15 seconds while you brush your teeth. (Well, hopefully you can take more than 15 seconds, but you get the point.) You may have crippling postpartum anxiety like I did, and it may try to convince you that your newborn’s bellowing signals the End of Days, but trust me. The noisy little pooper will in fact survive, and your significant other will thank you for using basic hygiene. So will everyone in a two-mile radius.
- Learn to swaddle. Even if your little one screams and pretends to hate it at first. When my sweet MIL Milly finally did this correctly for me, Chip (and I!) slept like a little baby angel conked out on Benadryl. Ahhhh.
- Layer several crib sheets at once. That way, if (read: WHEN) your precious pumpkin excretes unspeakable messes all over himself in the middle of the night, you can pull the top sheet off without having to worry about replacing it at an hour when you’ve got the mental wherewithal of a drunken David Hasselhoff. This time around I’m also trying these disposable changing pads … will return and report.
- Pretty much everything in this post is accurate. Well, except I like my Bumbo.
- If the nursing staff offers to watch your baby overnight at the hospital, let them. For heaven’s sake, woman. Get some sleep while you still can!
- Dry shampoo. Go out and buy some, like, yesterday. Also, Udder Cream is really good for that pesky pre- and post-delivery belly itchiness. You probably already know about Lansinoh for the lady bits, so I won’t say anything further on that, other than yes. A hundred times yes.
- Other pampering products I cannot live without: this, this, and this. Take the time; feel 800000x better.
- A Costco membership will quickly pay for itself in diaper and wipes savings, especially if you hold out for the $6-off coupons that come every few months. Plus, those Kirkland wipes are the BEST. Just do it. Become a Costcoer (or Sam’s Clubber). Jooooooiiiiin ussssss.
- For the endowed LDS pregs out there: learn from my mistakes and skip the maternity garments altogether, especially if you live anywhere warmer than Antarctica. Not only is the cotton/poly as hot as Hades’ armpits, but the sleeves are usually so long that they hang out of your clothing and look ridiculous. The superhigh bottoms may be comfortable at first, but by the last trimester the elastic WILL cut right into the middle of your waist and cause weird bulges. Bonus: the DriSilque maternity bottoms will make those cute over-the-belly capris you bought slip down past your crack the first time you bend over. Instead, buy Carinessa II everything a size or two larger in Tall. Tuck the waistband under your royal bulkiness and be happy.
- Dove Sensitive Skin deodorant works great for inevitable swoob. Yup, just slather it right under there. It’s gentle enough that it (probably) won’t irritate your skin, and it sure makes a difference.
- On that note, if you’re anything like me, you’ll need to make sure that all your nursing clothing and covers are made of light, forgiving material. BFing makes you sweat like a pig – maybe the calorie burnage? – especially if you suck at doing it in public like I did. For some reason I thought I could handle 5 layers at once (garments, bra, cami, top shirt, nursing cover – most of them a thick cotton/spandex or poly blend) and I was on the verge of heat stroke ALL the time. Not pleasant. If you must layer (and I must), think airy and stretchy, a la those $3 tanks from Forever 21. Also, benzodiazepine. (I kid.) (Kinda.)
- Keep a dollar store shower curtain liner under your sheets for the last month of pregnancy. Because if you pop, the world is not enough.
- For the advent of solids: Wipe-able silicone bibs. They will save you soooooooo much laundry. I use and love these.
- Finally, RELAX. Babies are practically made of rubber. They can recover from just about anything; yes, even you. Chances are if you are even the teeniest bit less moronic than this guy, your lil’ tyke will be just fine.
If I think of more, I’ll add it in a later post. Fellow parents are also welcome to sound off in the comments.
And now for your usual onslaught of offspring shenanigans. It should be noted that at time of writing, this .gif and Oreo cookies were Chip’s favorite things in the universe.
Okay lovers, it’s been real but now it’s time for me to go eat cookies and catch up on Castle. TTFN.
Currently listening to: Ho Hey by The Lumineers