Okay guys. CK and I are currently too poor to see Toy Story 3 in the non-dollar theater, but I was online perusing anyway (a dangerous practice for any web-shopper wife!) and thought I’d check and see how well The Last Airbender‘s been doing at the box office. I wasn’t fully prepared for the hilarity in store. Tonight’s best quotes:
We now have the summer’s first bonafide stinker—a supposed fantasy adventure that has all the magic and mystery of a bologna sandwich.
–Eric Melin, Scene-Stealers.com
Gorgeous imagery. Beautifully wrought special effects. Fantasy fun for all ages. I’m talking, of course, about The Last Airbender website.
–Linda Cook, Quad City Times
It’s difficult to ascertain whether this poorly executed picture will earn enough to warrant its planned sequels or not even make enough to allow Shyamalan to Super-Size his next fast-food order.
–Matt Brunson, Creative Loafing
It’s almost as if the polarizing writer and director has never participated in a real human conversation. Based on the movie, I imagine it would go something like this:
Me: Mr. Shyamamamamalan, please excuse me while I use the bathroom.
M. Night Shyamalan: Go boldly. Summon the urethra. Tinkle make proud.
– Mike Ward, Richmond.com
Five minutes in, and already there’s no hope.
–Mick LaSalle, San Francisco Chronicle
The Last Airbender is like a Care Bears movie that got waylaid in the fourth dimension.
–Peter Rainer, The Christian Science Monitor
I believe M. Night can ruin the world.
–Jordan Hoffman, UGO
And finally, the master:
The Last Airbender is an agonizing experience in every category I can think of and others still waiting to be invented.
–Roger Ebert, Chicago-Sun Times
Hmmm … I think I’ll just stick to House reruns.
UPDATE! I just found this article by Charlie Jane Anders of io9, and it was just too good not to include.
Currently listening to: Bohemian Rhapsody by Queen